Spreading Lies

All hail the mighty social network site, they do it again. Whatever the reason, someone has put a post up, that, as far as yours truly can ascertain, is complete "Borrocks".

Here it is:-

"I've just heard some really shocking news. The Royal British Legion are not selling poppies in certain areas on Nov 11 this year. This is because some minorities say that it will upset them. I say sod off ... The poppy is a symbol of reverence for our fallen heroes of all the wars the BRITISH military have fought in. BRITAIN STAND UP AND SAY 'WE WANT THE POPPY SOLD EVERY WERE IN THE UK'. THIS IS OUR RIGHT TO REVERE OUR FALLEN.. PLEASE RE-POST"

So this has also been followed up by the Royal British Legion saying:-

"There's a rumour going around on Facebook that poppies not being sold in certain areas this Remembrance period. It is categorically untrue. Poppies will be sold as normal. Pls share this! MaxRes."

Well we all know that the gutter press will leap on the rumour as being Gospel, but why does anyone post this tripe in the first place? (Takes a deep breath) I'll tell you why, because they are too small minded to actually find facts and publish them (or too stupid to know where to look), if you are going to scandalise and stir ire then try and be a tad more factual.
Now, for all those who re-posted the first quote, could you please be a smidgeon more selective and review what goes on your status, be aware that Mr Paul Chambers joked about blowing up Robinhood Airport on Twitter and was arrested for his joke, a touch of caution could be advisable methinks.

Meanwhile in the news Sir David Attenborough is fighting the corner of science by protesting against the teaching of creationism in schools. The following is not attributed to the great man.
"Creationism and ‘intelligent design’ are not scientific theories, but they are portrayed as scientific theories by some religious fundamentalists who attempt to have their views promoted in publicly-funded schools. There should be enforceable statutory guidance that they may not be presented as scientific theories in any publicly-funded school of whatever type.
But this is not enough. An understanding of evolution is central to understanding all aspects of biology. The teaching of evolution should be included at both primary and secondary levels in the National Curriculum and in all schools."
I have gone through my life being told many things that I have later discovered to be untrue (Father Christmas was probably the biggest disappointment) and the earth being created in 7 days I always believed to be metaphorical and not literal, reasons for my stance on this would probably stem from the fact that people quote from a 17th century translation of  a Latin text that was translated from a Greek Text that was translated from Hebrew (or Aramaic in some parts), as you see if you look at it from this point of view the "Chinese whispers" aspect falls into play (as in the message "send reinforcements we're going to advance" turning into "Send three & fourpence we're going to a dance").
Just for the record though, if you maintain that Adam was made from "the dust of the ground" and that Eve was formed from his rib. Does this not follow a very basic explanation of evolution?
And to add that slap in the face to the preposterous:-
"According to the Genealogies of Genesis, Adam died at the age of 930. With such numbers, calculations such as those of Archbishop Ussher would suggest that Adam would have died only about 127 years before the birth of Noah, nine generations after Adam. In other words, Adam's lifespan would have overlapped that of Lamech (father of Noah), at least fifty years. Ussher and a group of theologians and scholars in 1630 performed calculations and created a study that reported the creation of Adam on October 23, 4004 BC at 9:00 am and lived until 3074 BC. There was controversy over the fact that Ussher believed the whole creation process occurred on that day."
(Methinks they had attacked the communion wine with a bit of a run up)
Please inform me if you have UN-equivocal information that would set me straight on this, but I believe myself to be a logical being, and these things do not sit in the parameters that I consider "Logical".
Faith However is a completely different matter, you can believe (and people do) in omnipotent beings, and that you should live your life to moral standards (after all the whole of society is based on this), but please don't demand that I accept that, the earth is flat, the moon is made of cheese, George W. Bush is intelligent or any other fantastical spasm of a deranged mind, you are quite welcome to put these delusional thoughts up for inspection (as is your right) but please don't be offended when they are ripped apart, and don't hide behind the cloak of righteousness that shrouds so many pious theological nutbags (many of which have recently been exposed as kiddy fiddling spineless slimeballs).
 

Fair Play Award

Tony Blair, there's a name to conjure with (after all he conjured with everything from statistics to facts), I personally would love to see him arrested for crimes against, well everything really. Everything from his election promises to his dragging an unwilling nation into an illegal war (based on 'facts' that were not only questionable at the time but have been proven to be lies since), and the cherry on the cake is that he is now "Peace Emissary to the Middle East" (Dr. Shipman collecting for help the aged?).
But the real heckle raiser (after all, we all know he's a war criminal, we are just awaiting his arrest (attempts to date 3, see http://www.arrestblair.org/) is his manipulation of reports (i.e. complete contradiction, more commonly known as lies) and now the poor old tax payer has to foot the bill for his wondrous decisions (from letting the nations gold go at a third of the price (not including recent escalations in gold price), the war(s) (apparently rather high maintenance actions to continue with) and my pet hate, the Olympics!
OK now we are where I was headed. the Olympics, a noble institution I concede, so noble in fact I wish some more deserving country had won the bid (and serve them right as far as I'm concerned).
I recall when Ireland kept winning the Eurovision Song Contest, they started to complain that it was putting them further & further into debt.
That aside, the pessimists estimate that the Olympic games in London (and other associated villages) will cost the treasury (read "taxpayer") over EIGHT BILLION (sorry about that but when you write it as "8bn" it looks really insignificant). Now if Mr Blair hadn't thrown his political shoulder behind the bid (although he attributes this success to his letterbox mouthed wife Cherie) the Sceptic Isle could have been nudging the deficit bill down instead of putting the cost onto its already beleaguered citizens.
I like watching sport, yes I do, and as long as you don't take it too seriously it has its place, but, I was crap at it when I did actually participate, no matter how hard I tried (which admittedly wasn't that hard). The ones I did excel at, as my memory serves, were:
 i) Cross country smoking, where 120 of us were posted off on a pre-designated route and the "Rebels" amongst us would loiter at the back, get a couple of Regal King Size in and wait for the more athletic to complete the whole course while we took the short cut.
ii) Turning Blue, this consisted of the games master (warmly clad in overcoat and track-suit bottoms) leading us uphill to some exposed (apparently ploughed) field on a desolated moor top and insisting on us standing around in anticipation of a large soggy rugby ball's impending trajectory, meeting with our chosen loitering spot, after ninety minutes of this we were then expected to shower in water that had the ambient temperature of a polar bears scrotum, the object of this was obviously survival.
I firmly cling on to the belief that in excess of ninety percent of the world is also crap at sport, (and indeed only an nano percent of the world is good enough to compete internationally) so what is the attraction? National pride? (OK I had to put that one in, come on, how many Gold Medals are going to be won by Great Britain?).
Do we assume that by merely hosting the games, the participants will feel obliged to be polite and let us win a few?
Ah I have wandered off topic, did I mention what a creep I think Tony Blair is?
Well I do, he dragged us into hosting the Olympic Games (even though one of the reports on the subject warned that there would be no benefit and the cost would be astronomical) and promptly retired just before the true costs were becoming apparent.
Yet another of his smarmy, worm-like decisions, that make me angry when I see his picture.

Change for the Beta

Change, it is said, is inevitable! Actually it was said (yes I know it still is) by Benjamin Disraeli. I accept this and I am constantly informed of changes, whether the change is nominal or gross, I seem to have little influence, therefore I must accept!
The one which gripped the old Chalfonts, was the idea that UK was to follow (sheepishly is a word that rears itself into view) the Isle of Yoosay's format of electing its Police Chiefs. Thankfully this gem of a concept was thwarted in conception by Westminster's Handbrake House (the Lords). Consider, dear reader, that a more inane bill could even emanate from that think tank, The House of Commons, one that would have us follow another country with such a marvellous track record of fair and just policing as our colonial cousins, or a policy that emulates the educational track of a country that comes below the United Kingdom in literacy ratings? (look for the more stringent figures on this subject before you react).
If, while you are transiting from childhood, via adolescence and through to adultery, you notice traits and attitudes that are better than those of your own, you tend to investigate the methodology behind them, furthermore you are inclined to adopt them and even improve upon them, if this is the case, why on earth would you take a system that has developed over four hundred years, or more, and casually dispose of it in favour of one that has only existed half that time span and hasn't performed as well.
Standards! (Oh that one again) Yes, standards, in this case ones to keep up and behold, the sceptic isle has had some pretty good results academically, nothing to be sneezed at, to be concise. Mrs Newton's little boy has had a profound effect on modern thinking, we have also had a bit of a win on the electricity side (Mr Faraday) to name but two, on the western side of the pond there have been a couple of ripples too (and we have had a touche longer to paddle than they), nuff said!
OK I am certain that the system is failing the "Yoof" of today and thus it must be changed, but why not model the changes on shining success stories such as Germany (post 1945 before you yelp) or Japan (and again) who stream their young hopefuls during the course of the education process (without stigma may I add) and this gives them the right people doing the right types of learning.
Improvise adapt and overcome, please

Flogging a Black Horse

Banks! Need I say more?
Well yes would be the short answer, maybe not a need, per say, more a whim to (yet again) vent, and to let my limited readership (that is you dear reader and I will endeavour to extract personal details at some point in the future) know the matters that constrict, steer and obstruct my otherwise smooth passage through this existence.
What could possibly have rankled this time? (I hear said through the ether).
I now have internet banking, I have had it for several years actually, and, working away from my habitual locale, namely home, I find it generally rather useful. The problems start when I try to explain to them that I no longer reside in the country of my birth.
This throws them a huge curveball, why would I want to bank in a different country? Because the country where I spend 99% of my time off, has two branches of "The Worlds Local Bank" neither of them within cycling distance (not being Lance Armstrong) of my home. This in itself doesn't cause me any friction until they suddenly decide that my spending habits are "Suspicious", and stop my cards from functioning. OK a twenty minute international phone call (at the expense of yours truly) usually rectifies the problem, but I am not doing anything "out of pattern" so why does it suddenly become "suspicious"?
I'm suspecting that there is a gambling ring within the card fraud department and they run a book on how long after they block my card, I make the phone call. I'm not totally disgusted with this, due to it being in my interest, that they are monitoring my transactions, I just wish it wouldn't happen with such embarrassing timing.
The real gnashing of teeth occurs when I have made an online transaction, now the very word "online" means that it was carried out, on the interweb, using computers (got that bit? Good I will carry on) summarily, these types of transaction are done electronically, light speed (well quicker than lots of things), so how come I finish the reported transaction and the message reads, this transaction could take 2-3 business days to show up in your account. Funnily enough this type of message only applies to money transfers that could benefit me and not the other way around, and why does it refer to "Business days"? Does the computer bugger off on a fishing trip for the weekend? I think not, (well actually I know it doesn't, credit me with that at least). These transfers are instantaneous, there is no doubt about the availability of funds in your account, so they are just profiteering, they make interest on your money as it wanders (lonely as a cloud) in the limbo that is monetary transfer land, (making them money all the time) and then they have the audacity to ask you to be grateful that it "only" took three (business) days (maximum six, if you have a bank holiday in the middle) and charge you for the privilege.
Thank you for ripping us all off, thank you for making it impossible to function without you then making money off our backs. 

Inside leg measurement goes public

There I was about to update my wonderful social networking page, (Farceback) I click on the "update status" bit, the whole screen goes translucent white.
First thought: Bugger! What have I done now?
Second thought: Who's watching?
Then the offer to let everyone know where I am appears on the screen, well, dear reader, you know where I am, I'm on the good ship S.S. Dodgy Sausage mincing around in the south China sea, as for pals on Farceback? Do they have any wish to know where I am? (I assure you dear reader, that when they ask me where I am, I will let them know).
Why are they changing things around? Just as I get used to it one way round, they shift things on me, I am (as many) a creature of habit.
OK if you really want to help, let me customise the settings to my own wants & foibles, how about adding a "Don't give a toss" button along side the "Like" one. Or a warning flag that I can paste onto peoples comments if they put "lol" at the end of their sentences? (three strikes and you're out).
Why does the right hand column now include people who are offline? I didn't ask it to, and I can't see a truly good reason for it. Was it put there to appease mediums?
Again, my life is being steered by people assuming that what they want is what the majority wants, just because most  people will not complain, this does not indicate approval, more likely it would indicate that the apathy gland has kicked in and the futility of protesting against arbitrary decisions made on our behalf by faceless corporations has finally settled onto us and we are now resigned to die in their control.
A bleak prospect if ever I put one to page, but how true is it, I can't believe that Monkeysort has managed to corner the market, with a surprisingly shit product, Apple, produce a good product but manage to bend the user so far over a barrel on the price that they have their derrière exposed to all comers, take a product such as Linux, ultimately adaptable, more secure than William Garden-Portal's product, less prone to crashing and surprisingly it costeth NOTHING as do most of the programs written for it, yet its adoption rate is low.
Ah well, I will just continue with my Farceback until another rival product arrives and betters it, and I will be as the butterfly, flitting from flower to flour. 

Manners makyth man

Personally, I was dragged up to be polite, not in an ingratiating way, just polite. Obviously as I have shifted my locus across the globe (I think I'm chasing the sunrise), the outline for the initial statement of this post becomes fluid (much as I, on a Saturday night) but the general theme of manners remains pretty much the same throughout. The golden rule being "One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself".
So why is it that once in Asia (where there are huge tomes that relate to the conventions of the golden rule) do I experience an absolute disregard for the rest of society, and everything seems centred around the self.
I'm not referring to their inability to queue (Yoosay Dictionary: Stand in line), nor am I alluding to the tendency for the Oriental to eat noisily, (this only rankles me when the practitioner is of Caucasian descent, and thus, should know better) after all, you can't use two sticks of bamboo to eat your noodles quietly (I know, I've tried).
The most heinous of all offences (in my book, the big one printed in big font and with pictures) is standing in the way (or more precisely, my way),. I wish to express that this isn't just a "wee peeve" this is endemic to whole nations (incidentally all of which seem to be East of Cyprus) and it is infuriating.
I can't recall the amount of doorways that I have encountered, clogged up with Saudis who had met their friends (for the first time since the day before) nor do I care to imagine what fascinating conversations they managed to strike up, what I do remember is their consternation when they looked up to find others with the intent of using the said doorway as a route of entry or exit, (oh the inconvenience!). Likewise, on my purchasing trips into Thailand's malls, I frequently find that small Chinese/Korean/Japanese persons have walked through the main portal to one of these centres of commerce, taken one or two steps and stopped. No movement, no inclination to remove themselves from the thoroughfare, nothing registering within to tell them that they are being a pest.
I can conclude that if they made stopping in doorways an Olympic event, the team champions would normally be the Saudi Arabians and the individual Champions, the Chinese.
The fact that none of them will ever read this (who does?) just means that I can rant away, safe in the knowledge that it will still occur, and still grip my stools every time, futility being my joie de vivre.
Hey ho dear reader, if you don't believe me, just walk down a pavement in the east, and watch out for stoppages (Arrrrgh!).
Just follow the Johnny Walker adage!
Much as globalisation appears to be sweeping all before it and blending culture to culture, does it have to do so at the cost of manners? Do we (Homo Sapiens) adhere to the path of least resistance, are we so indolent as to adopt the worst of the crop? Why shouldn't we aspire to become more civilised with each generation?
I would have thought that the responsibility for how we interact, is upon us for the next generation.

Was ist das? Das ist meine Kugelschreiber!

Können Sie ihr Orang-Utan bitte von meinem Garten raus-holen, weil ich meine beide Feuerlöscher schon benutzt habe und meine Brustwarze werden bald explodieren...
For those of you not in the know, this has been the text I wish for on a t-shirt for a good few years (I actually had it translated into German for me by a highly bemused German lady, (In the Irish Bar in Koblenz), and then again today (as I had mislaid the original) by a friend of mine who now lives in Germany (his fault not mine).
So what does this have to do with life? (Thank you reader, I will mention you in my will)
Answer: Nish, absolutely sweet Fanny Adams to be honest, but occasionally, one has to take ones self out of the serious business of caring for (and doing very little about) the planet and the welfare of ones fellow humans, and just do something silly.
Sometimes it takes doing something out of the ordinary to make the normal fit into place and appear sensible (oooh too many grown-up words for lickle me, next it will be "mature" and "responsible", at which, dear reader, this teddy bear is off over the visible at a fair rate of knots I can tell you).
For those of you who do know what the opening statement means, don't you think it would be good accompanied by a cartoon of the scene? As mentioned before, the dear (and hugely attractive at the time, but then I was considerably younger, slimmer and infinitely more inebriated than I am now) lady who translated it for me those many years ago, looked at me with a mixture of confusion and pity (oh yes, charmer of the year (1989)), a look, which, at the time, I confused for being fascination, (Now I know, dear reader, that when you address someone and introduce yourself, then ask them to help you to translate a completely inane passage (all for no apparent reason) the resultant expression ranges from mere bewilderment to abject fear, non of which tend to endear, more likely to "End here".).
So why am I telling you this? I really don't have a clue, although it might be just to relive that memory of The Rhine in Flames that was stirred up today, or it may be to remind myself that when I thought I was being mysterious and witty, I, more than likely, appeared to be an alcohol fuelled pillock with all the charm of a dog turd, such is life.
Twenty two years on and what have I gathered together and filed under the label of "Wisdom"?
Well I still manage to get drunk in the same manner, I just make sure I do it in the company of people who know what I'm like (now, did you think I was going to show some incredible maturity, or have a special insight?) and I now go home when I'm told (verbally or otherwise) and I don't seem to wake up with the feeling that I need to apologise (as often).
So what have I learned in the interim? Don't tie your shoelace in a revolving door. OK really what have I learned? I've learned not to accuse people too quickly (OK which one of you lot nicked my sunglasses? "They're on your head!"). First impressions are not always the best way to judge people by. (but remember them). If something you want is in a shop, buy it, it will not be there tomorrow (Grocery items are exempt from this). Stay sober when you travel (I have forgotten most places I visited in my earlier years, and I didn't pay for most trips, the UK tax payer did and I'm sure they would be overjoyed to know the level of alcohol that was accompanying me (internally and externally)). They say "never volunteer for anything", I disagree, I volunteered for lots of things and got my longest trip ever out of it, and saw some wonderful wildlife and some horrible weather.
Who will listen to my words of wisdom? Nae bugger I predict, don't really blame them.

Ho Hum

Live well chums