Können Sie ihr Orang-Utan bitte von meinem Garten raus-holen, weil ich meine beide Feuerlöscher schon benutzt habe und meine Brustwarze werden bald explodieren...
For those of you not in the know, this has been the text I wish for on a t-shirt for a good few years (I actually had it translated into German for me by a highly bemused German lady, (In the Irish Bar in Koblenz), and then again today (as I had mislaid the original) by a friend of mine who now lives in Germany (his fault not mine).
So what does this have to do with life? (Thank you reader, I will mention you in my will)
Answer: Nish, absolutely sweet Fanny Adams to be honest, but occasionally, one has to take ones self out of the serious business of caring for (and doing very little about) the planet and the welfare of ones fellow humans, and just do something silly.
Sometimes it takes doing something out of the ordinary to make the normal fit into place and appear sensible (oooh too many grown-up words for lickle me, next it will be "mature" and "responsible", at which, dear reader, this teddy bear is off over the visible at a fair rate of knots I can tell you).
For those of you who do know what the opening statement means, don't you think it would be good accompanied by a cartoon of the scene? As mentioned before, the dear (and hugely attractive at the time, but then I was considerably younger, slimmer and infinitely more inebriated than I am now) lady who translated it for me those many years ago, looked at me with a mixture of confusion and pity (oh yes, charmer of the year (1989)), a look, which, at the time, I confused for being fascination, (Now I know, dear reader, that when you address someone and introduce yourself, then ask them to help you to translate a completely inane passage (all for no apparent reason) the resultant expression ranges from mere bewilderment to abject fear, non of which tend to endear, more likely to "End here".).
So why am I telling you this? I really don't have a clue, although it might be just to relive that memory of The Rhine in Flames that was stirred up today, or it may be to remind myself that when I thought I was being mysterious and witty, I, more than likely, appeared to be an alcohol fuelled pillock with all the charm of a dog turd, such is life.
Twenty two years on and what have I gathered together and filed under the label of "Wisdom"?
Well I still manage to get drunk in the same manner, I just make sure I do it in the company of people who know what I'm like (now, did you think I was going to show some incredible maturity, or have a special insight?) and I now go home when I'm told (verbally or otherwise) and I don't seem to wake up with the feeling that I need to apologise (as often).
So what have I learned in the interim? Don't tie your shoelace in a revolving door. OK really what have I learned? I've learned not to accuse people too quickly (OK which one of you lot nicked my sunglasses? "They're on your head!"). First impressions are not always the best way to judge people by. (but remember them). If something you want is in a shop, buy it, it will not be there tomorrow (Grocery items are exempt from this). Stay sober when you travel (I have forgotten most places I visited in my earlier years, and I didn't pay for most trips, the UK tax payer did and I'm sure they would be overjoyed to know the level of alcohol that was accompanying me (internally and externally)). They say "never volunteer for anything", I disagree, I volunteered for lots of things and got my longest trip ever out of it, and saw some wonderful wildlife and some horrible weather.
Who will listen to my words of wisdom? Nae bugger I predict, don't really blame them.
Ho Hum
Live well chums
For those of you not in the know, this has been the text I wish for on a t-shirt for a good few years (I actually had it translated into German for me by a highly bemused German lady, (In the Irish Bar in Koblenz), and then again today (as I had mislaid the original) by a friend of mine who now lives in Germany (his fault not mine).
So what does this have to do with life? (Thank you reader, I will mention you in my will)
Answer: Nish, absolutely sweet Fanny Adams to be honest, but occasionally, one has to take ones self out of the serious business of caring for (and doing very little about) the planet and the welfare of ones fellow humans, and just do something silly.
Sometimes it takes doing something out of the ordinary to make the normal fit into place and appear sensible (oooh too many grown-up words for lickle me, next it will be "mature" and "responsible", at which, dear reader, this teddy bear is off over the visible at a fair rate of knots I can tell you).
For those of you who do know what the opening statement means, don't you think it would be good accompanied by a cartoon of the scene? As mentioned before, the dear (and hugely attractive at the time, but then I was considerably younger, slimmer and infinitely more inebriated than I am now) lady who translated it for me those many years ago, looked at me with a mixture of confusion and pity (oh yes, charmer of the year (1989)), a look, which, at the time, I confused for being fascination, (Now I know, dear reader, that when you address someone and introduce yourself, then ask them to help you to translate a completely inane passage (all for no apparent reason) the resultant expression ranges from mere bewilderment to abject fear, non of which tend to endear, more likely to "End here".).
So why am I telling you this? I really don't have a clue, although it might be just to relive that memory of The Rhine in Flames that was stirred up today, or it may be to remind myself that when I thought I was being mysterious and witty, I, more than likely, appeared to be an alcohol fuelled pillock with all the charm of a dog turd, such is life.
Twenty two years on and what have I gathered together and filed under the label of "Wisdom"?
Well I still manage to get drunk in the same manner, I just make sure I do it in the company of people who know what I'm like (now, did you think I was going to show some incredible maturity, or have a special insight?) and I now go home when I'm told (verbally or otherwise) and I don't seem to wake up with the feeling that I need to apologise (as often).
So what have I learned in the interim? Don't tie your shoelace in a revolving door. OK really what have I learned? I've learned not to accuse people too quickly (OK which one of you lot nicked my sunglasses? "They're on your head!"). First impressions are not always the best way to judge people by. (but remember them). If something you want is in a shop, buy it, it will not be there tomorrow (Grocery items are exempt from this). Stay sober when you travel (I have forgotten most places I visited in my earlier years, and I didn't pay for most trips, the UK tax payer did and I'm sure they would be overjoyed to know the level of alcohol that was accompanying me (internally and externally)). They say "never volunteer for anything", I disagree, I volunteered for lots of things and got my longest trip ever out of it, and saw some wonderful wildlife and some horrible weather.
Who will listen to my words of wisdom? Nae bugger I predict, don't really blame them.
Ho Hum
Live well chums
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