Party Preparation

Well hello again, I had a wonderful new year (totally oblivious of the date other than the sporadic felicitations from my fellow rig occupiers) then the run up to dear mater's arrival and ensuing visit.

Now I am awaiting the final moments of the smoker (having enslaved my nephew on smoker watch) and we are all about to trip off down the hill to imbibe and be merry (in an official manner).

The photo? Last night's moon rise, as we were cooking the first batch of ribs (yummy). G&Ts all round and lots of burnt animal flesh. Hey ho.

Hoo hoo

OK managed to finish a year, in good spirits (no gin though).

Hope the coming year is as positive.

Still getting wound up about how the general populus is being lied to and cheated, cheated out of what is due to them. The big slap in the chops being that they are convinced that they have the "non shitty" end of the stick.

Wake up world.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.2

Peeled eyeballs

Well I didn't get a very good nights sleep last night, packing for my outward bound trip back to the SS Dodgey Sausage, the thunderstorm was possibly a factor (might have been as a result of my slagging off the film Thor), and I was re-awakened by the sound of my alarm(s) at a breezy 04:00.
OK, I thought I would catch some of the elusive slumber back in the taxi to the airport (not to be) the rain was (well raining I suppose) causing the driver to make erratic moves and preventing my snooze, "Never mind" was my next thought, I will take up my place in 64K (window seat near the back which I had been invited to change when I went online, only to find that the choice for change was ...... 64K, all seat icons other than mine had little "x"s on them). Adopting my usual slump and eyes half shut (ready for take off) neck canted over to use the support of the side of the aircraft and giving off a general air of "Do NOT Disturb" I fell blissfully into unconsciousness for about 3 seconds, whereupon a small creature seated behind me kicked the back of my chair, and then kept repeating the action for the duration of the flight, despite the chastisement of his guardians/parents/keepers that were sat with him.
Oh dear reader (whom I have neglected for too long) "where am I headed?" you may ask.
I am aiming toward a multi media campaign to stop those bastards in airports from feeding these spawn of Satan anything that could possibly cause behavioural problems (Sunny Delight, Coca Cola, Fanta, lime green fizzy drinks, horrible sweets made from isotopes that we haven't really thought about) I am referring to the likes of Bugger King , MacBovineSpongiformEncephalopathy and similar heartless conglomerates that are not only poisoning our youth but making wads of dosh (from their victims) at the same time.
Pull back there one moment, (I hear from the crowd of reader) is it not the fault of the guardians/parents/keepers? OK I might give you that one, the choice to let your charges indulge in fast food orgies should be deemed to be that of the warder not the warded (especially when the wee mites are indeed "wee")? Maybe, but when half the world isn't aware that certain additives can cause mood swings and attention problems (possibly that such research has been masked by large conglomerate money and spin) then how are our less literate and more gullible (and I won't be too far from the mark if I mention "inappropriate Lycra wearing") supposed to find out that their offspring could benefit from just eating natural foodstuffs (and I could possibly not feel as crabby as I do right now).
Another solution would be for airlines to fine the owners of appallingly behaved children (Or give me extra airmiles for suffering the gits).
I'll be much better in the morning.

Spreading Lies

All hail the mighty social network site, they do it again. Whatever the reason, someone has put a post up, that, as far as yours truly can ascertain, is complete "Borrocks".

Here it is:-

"I've just heard some really shocking news. The Royal British Legion are not selling poppies in certain areas on Nov 11 this year. This is because some minorities say that it will upset them. I say sod off ... The poppy is a symbol of reverence for our fallen heroes of all the wars the BRITISH military have fought in. BRITAIN STAND UP AND SAY 'WE WANT THE POPPY SOLD EVERY WERE IN THE UK'. THIS IS OUR RIGHT TO REVERE OUR FALLEN.. PLEASE RE-POST"

So this has also been followed up by the Royal British Legion saying:-

"There's a rumour going around on Facebook that poppies not being sold in certain areas this Remembrance period. It is categorically untrue. Poppies will be sold as normal. Pls share this! MaxRes."

Well we all know that the gutter press will leap on the rumour as being Gospel, but why does anyone post this tripe in the first place? (Takes a deep breath) I'll tell you why, because they are too small minded to actually find facts and publish them (or too stupid to know where to look), if you are going to scandalise and stir ire then try and be a tad more factual.
Now, for all those who re-posted the first quote, could you please be a smidgeon more selective and review what goes on your status, be aware that Mr Paul Chambers joked about blowing up Robinhood Airport on Twitter and was arrested for his joke, a touch of caution could be advisable methinks.

Meanwhile in the news Sir David Attenborough is fighting the corner of science by protesting against the teaching of creationism in schools. The following is not attributed to the great man.
"Creationism and ‘intelligent design’ are not scientific theories, but they are portrayed as scientific theories by some religious fundamentalists who attempt to have their views promoted in publicly-funded schools. There should be enforceable statutory guidance that they may not be presented as scientific theories in any publicly-funded school of whatever type.
But this is not enough. An understanding of evolution is central to understanding all aspects of biology. The teaching of evolution should be included at both primary and secondary levels in the National Curriculum and in all schools."
I have gone through my life being told many things that I have later discovered to be untrue (Father Christmas was probably the biggest disappointment) and the earth being created in 7 days I always believed to be metaphorical and not literal, reasons for my stance on this would probably stem from the fact that people quote from a 17th century translation of  a Latin text that was translated from a Greek Text that was translated from Hebrew (or Aramaic in some parts), as you see if you look at it from this point of view the "Chinese whispers" aspect falls into play (as in the message "send reinforcements we're going to advance" turning into "Send three & fourpence we're going to a dance").
Just for the record though, if you maintain that Adam was made from "the dust of the ground" and that Eve was formed from his rib. Does this not follow a very basic explanation of evolution?
And to add that slap in the face to the preposterous:-
"According to the Genealogies of Genesis, Adam died at the age of 930. With such numbers, calculations such as those of Archbishop Ussher would suggest that Adam would have died only about 127 years before the birth of Noah, nine generations after Adam. In other words, Adam's lifespan would have overlapped that of Lamech (father of Noah), at least fifty years. Ussher and a group of theologians and scholars in 1630 performed calculations and created a study that reported the creation of Adam on October 23, 4004 BC at 9:00 am and lived until 3074 BC. There was controversy over the fact that Ussher believed the whole creation process occurred on that day."
(Methinks they had attacked the communion wine with a bit of a run up)
Please inform me if you have UN-equivocal information that would set me straight on this, but I believe myself to be a logical being, and these things do not sit in the parameters that I consider "Logical".
Faith However is a completely different matter, you can believe (and people do) in omnipotent beings, and that you should live your life to moral standards (after all the whole of society is based on this), but please don't demand that I accept that, the earth is flat, the moon is made of cheese, George W. Bush is intelligent or any other fantastical spasm of a deranged mind, you are quite welcome to put these delusional thoughts up for inspection (as is your right) but please don't be offended when they are ripped apart, and don't hide behind the cloak of righteousness that shrouds so many pious theological nutbags (many of which have recently been exposed as kiddy fiddling spineless slimeballs).
 

Fair Play Award

Tony Blair, there's a name to conjure with (after all he conjured with everything from statistics to facts), I personally would love to see him arrested for crimes against, well everything really. Everything from his election promises to his dragging an unwilling nation into an illegal war (based on 'facts' that were not only questionable at the time but have been proven to be lies since), and the cherry on the cake is that he is now "Peace Emissary to the Middle East" (Dr. Shipman collecting for help the aged?).
But the real heckle raiser (after all, we all know he's a war criminal, we are just awaiting his arrest (attempts to date 3, see http://www.arrestblair.org/) is his manipulation of reports (i.e. complete contradiction, more commonly known as lies) and now the poor old tax payer has to foot the bill for his wondrous decisions (from letting the nations gold go at a third of the price (not including recent escalations in gold price), the war(s) (apparently rather high maintenance actions to continue with) and my pet hate, the Olympics!
OK now we are where I was headed. the Olympics, a noble institution I concede, so noble in fact I wish some more deserving country had won the bid (and serve them right as far as I'm concerned).
I recall when Ireland kept winning the Eurovision Song Contest, they started to complain that it was putting them further & further into debt.
That aside, the pessimists estimate that the Olympic games in London (and other associated villages) will cost the treasury (read "taxpayer") over EIGHT BILLION (sorry about that but when you write it as "8bn" it looks really insignificant). Now if Mr Blair hadn't thrown his political shoulder behind the bid (although he attributes this success to his letterbox mouthed wife Cherie) the Sceptic Isle could have been nudging the deficit bill down instead of putting the cost onto its already beleaguered citizens.
I like watching sport, yes I do, and as long as you don't take it too seriously it has its place, but, I was crap at it when I did actually participate, no matter how hard I tried (which admittedly wasn't that hard). The ones I did excel at, as my memory serves, were:
 i) Cross country smoking, where 120 of us were posted off on a pre-designated route and the "Rebels" amongst us would loiter at the back, get a couple of Regal King Size in and wait for the more athletic to complete the whole course while we took the short cut.
ii) Turning Blue, this consisted of the games master (warmly clad in overcoat and track-suit bottoms) leading us uphill to some exposed (apparently ploughed) field on a desolated moor top and insisting on us standing around in anticipation of a large soggy rugby ball's impending trajectory, meeting with our chosen loitering spot, after ninety minutes of this we were then expected to shower in water that had the ambient temperature of a polar bears scrotum, the object of this was obviously survival.
I firmly cling on to the belief that in excess of ninety percent of the world is also crap at sport, (and indeed only an nano percent of the world is good enough to compete internationally) so what is the attraction? National pride? (OK I had to put that one in, come on, how many Gold Medals are going to be won by Great Britain?).
Do we assume that by merely hosting the games, the participants will feel obliged to be polite and let us win a few?
Ah I have wandered off topic, did I mention what a creep I think Tony Blair is?
Well I do, he dragged us into hosting the Olympic Games (even though one of the reports on the subject warned that there would be no benefit and the cost would be astronomical) and promptly retired just before the true costs were becoming apparent.
Yet another of his smarmy, worm-like decisions, that make me angry when I see his picture.

Change for the Beta

Change, it is said, is inevitable! Actually it was said (yes I know it still is) by Benjamin Disraeli. I accept this and I am constantly informed of changes, whether the change is nominal or gross, I seem to have little influence, therefore I must accept!
The one which gripped the old Chalfonts, was the idea that UK was to follow (sheepishly is a word that rears itself into view) the Isle of Yoosay's format of electing its Police Chiefs. Thankfully this gem of a concept was thwarted in conception by Westminster's Handbrake House (the Lords). Consider, dear reader, that a more inane bill could even emanate from that think tank, The House of Commons, one that would have us follow another country with such a marvellous track record of fair and just policing as our colonial cousins, or a policy that emulates the educational track of a country that comes below the United Kingdom in literacy ratings? (look for the more stringent figures on this subject before you react).
If, while you are transiting from childhood, via adolescence and through to adultery, you notice traits and attitudes that are better than those of your own, you tend to investigate the methodology behind them, furthermore you are inclined to adopt them and even improve upon them, if this is the case, why on earth would you take a system that has developed over four hundred years, or more, and casually dispose of it in favour of one that has only existed half that time span and hasn't performed as well.
Standards! (Oh that one again) Yes, standards, in this case ones to keep up and behold, the sceptic isle has had some pretty good results academically, nothing to be sneezed at, to be concise. Mrs Newton's little boy has had a profound effect on modern thinking, we have also had a bit of a win on the electricity side (Mr Faraday) to name but two, on the western side of the pond there have been a couple of ripples too (and we have had a touche longer to paddle than they), nuff said!
OK I am certain that the system is failing the "Yoof" of today and thus it must be changed, but why not model the changes on shining success stories such as Germany (post 1945 before you yelp) or Japan (and again) who stream their young hopefuls during the course of the education process (without stigma may I add) and this gives them the right people doing the right types of learning.
Improvise adapt and overcome, please

Flogging a Black Horse

Banks! Need I say more?
Well yes would be the short answer, maybe not a need, per say, more a whim to (yet again) vent, and to let my limited readership (that is you dear reader and I will endeavour to extract personal details at some point in the future) know the matters that constrict, steer and obstruct my otherwise smooth passage through this existence.
What could possibly have rankled this time? (I hear said through the ether).
I now have internet banking, I have had it for several years actually, and, working away from my habitual locale, namely home, I find it generally rather useful. The problems start when I try to explain to them that I no longer reside in the country of my birth.
This throws them a huge curveball, why would I want to bank in a different country? Because the country where I spend 99% of my time off, has two branches of "The Worlds Local Bank" neither of them within cycling distance (not being Lance Armstrong) of my home. This in itself doesn't cause me any friction until they suddenly decide that my spending habits are "Suspicious", and stop my cards from functioning. OK a twenty minute international phone call (at the expense of yours truly) usually rectifies the problem, but I am not doing anything "out of pattern" so why does it suddenly become "suspicious"?
I'm suspecting that there is a gambling ring within the card fraud department and they run a book on how long after they block my card, I make the phone call. I'm not totally disgusted with this, due to it being in my interest, that they are monitoring my transactions, I just wish it wouldn't happen with such embarrassing timing.
The real gnashing of teeth occurs when I have made an online transaction, now the very word "online" means that it was carried out, on the interweb, using computers (got that bit? Good I will carry on) summarily, these types of transaction are done electronically, light speed (well quicker than lots of things), so how come I finish the reported transaction and the message reads, this transaction could take 2-3 business days to show up in your account. Funnily enough this type of message only applies to money transfers that could benefit me and not the other way around, and why does it refer to "Business days"? Does the computer bugger off on a fishing trip for the weekend? I think not, (well actually I know it doesn't, credit me with that at least). These transfers are instantaneous, there is no doubt about the availability of funds in your account, so they are just profiteering, they make interest on your money as it wanders (lonely as a cloud) in the limbo that is monetary transfer land, (making them money all the time) and then they have the audacity to ask you to be grateful that it "only" took three (business) days (maximum six, if you have a bank holiday in the middle) and charge you for the privilege.
Thank you for ripping us all off, thank you for making it impossible to function without you then making money off our backs.